Links of the week

I don’t care if its the middle of the week. All my diction is dripping with disdain today anyway.

First up, check out the sister and Sepoy’s brilliant summary of the FIA Red Book.  Why hasn’t this book been nominated for the Commonwealth Writers Prize, hainjee?

The strangest music video I have seen in a very, very long time.

The greatest film of all time (/end sarcasm) is sparking a strange political wave in Bahrain. (Via Fahad)

Screw nuclear weapons. Pakistan has a FACE READER on its side.

From Qifa Nabki: the iPhone app store comes to Lebanon.

And now, a special mention for the New York Times, which has a truly ridiculous article about sidewalks and benches in Amman. I kid you not. The streets in question are Wakalat Street (an ode to consumerism, if there was ever one) and Rainbow Street (where Brangelina bought ice cream) and marvels at how ‘benches’ seem to have changed this city.

It also features a quote that I personally found quite hilarious:

If you’re a girl and you’re just hanging out on a regular street or sitting on a sidewalk, it’s considered inappropriate,” said Reem al-Hambali, 20, as she sat in the bright winter sun along the first pedestrian plaza built here. “Everyone will look at you and ask, ‘Why is this girl sitting there?’ But here it’s O.K. We can sit here and it’s normal.

What Amman is this?! Its definitely not the Amman I lived in, where sitting on the street – any street – was perfectly fine. The only time I had a ‘strange’ experience trying to hail a cab in Jordan while sitting on the side of the road was, err, this.

Who let the dogs out?

I’ve only been able to manage shocked laughter at this. Really. I sat at my desk at work and stared at the screen, seeing a summer ahead of truly lame jokes/hype and hysteria/protests by PETA…oh I can’t even imagine what will happen next. But behold…

Turn, turn, turn

SOLD OUT: My Name is Khan is an unlikely Valentine's Day film, yet the cinema was packed with people trying to get tickets for the film.

I wish I was travelling  abroad this week. Because I’m fairly sure, at some airport in some country, some Pakistani is going to turn around and tell the immigration officer that his name is Khan, and he isn’t a terrorist.

Thanks, Shah Rukh. Thanks.

January was all about Aamir Khan, his film, look what an intelligent take on the education system! Come February and oh dear, the Shiv Sena hate Shah Rukh, but look what an intelligent film this is about racism and love and one man’s epic journey!

Now people, I write on culture. Its often called ‘entertainment’ here but there’s nothing entertaining about it really, given the amount of drivel that is produced in the subcontinent that one has to review.

Last week I was told that I am extremely cynical and never praise anything, but seriously, sometimes being cynical is good.

So yes, back to My Name is Khan. Last night I thought about racial discrimination, one of the themes I had heard was part of the film, and how I’ve been fairly lucky 80% of the time while travelling. I also thought about how much I still love Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayeinge. It really is kind of sad.

And so today I went to see My Name is Khan.

Firstly, I do think the film ‘looked’ quite good. The cinematography was very sharp for Karan Johar, and so if you want to believe this is his best work ever, sure, it looks like his best work.

But where Karan Johar often goes wrong, and he does in this film as well, is this ‘gloss’ that covers the entire film. Its like looking at expensive gift wrapped boxes at Body Shop, while the catchy names yell out at you and the packaging looks perfect and you wonder how many fruity concoctions can fit into a tiny bottle, but you have no idea how any of it is really going to be like.  No. Like Forrest Gump, its like a box of chocolates, and you really don’t know what the hell you’re going to get. Insert some cliched phrase here.

My Name is Khan is quite like that. The characters aren’t quite believable – ‘really, someone that selfless/selfish/beautiful/all-knowing?!’ are sentiments that pop up as the film begins and they only go on to cement themselves. It is, really, a desi version of Forrest Gump, but without the exceptional acting or the in-depth character development of actors other than Hanks. Like Gump, the events that this film references are numerous – Hindu/Muslim riots in the ’90s, 9/11, the Afghanistan war, the Iraq war, Barack Obama’s election AND a hurricane in Georgia – and so you’re lost. It also makes us feel sympathetic for Rizvan Khan in every possible way but it barely touches on one incident (or its ramifications on the character) before it jumps to the next tragedy that he can overcome. (pun intended, for those who have seen the film).

Kajol’s character is glossed over as well – her pain is only reflected in one screaming fit and a series of shots where she’s crying – but the film never zooms in on her or delves into her pain or joy beyond five seconds.

Lets not even get into the religious aspects of this film.

That said, and this holds true for New York or Khuda Kay Liye as well, this film also has themes that are, unfortunately, important. History, as Rizvan Khan points out, is divided into AD and BC, and now, 9/11. Racial profiling, stereotyping, harrassment, violence, war, terrorism – everyone has a story on how any and all of these have affected them in the past nine years.

This is, at the end of the day, the reason for why My Name is Khan is doing so well in Pakistan. Everyone can identify with something in the film. Does that make it good? No. Does it mean that this is Shah Rukh Khan’s best film? No, that is Swades, and Shah Rukh doesn’t come close to his performance in that brilliant film. Does this mean you shouldn’t watch My Name is Khan? You should. You’ll like something in it at the very least, you can talk about the film all through March while the next overhyped Bollywood film is being made, and you can even use it in your argument about how Bollywood portrays Islam. And if you’re having a bad day, like I was, you’ll cry buckets (like I did) and be done with your emotional issues for the day.

And please do let me know when any of you use/hear the ‘My name is __ and I’m not a terrorist line’ at an airport. Its going to happen. I’m right about these things.

(Fake) journalism in Pakistan FTW

Oh, what fun.

Ali Zafar plays a reporter in this upcoming Indian film who produces a fake OBL tape. My only regret is that ‘TV reporter Iqbal’ and Chand Nawab will not be part of this production.

AND – Maila Times has a true winner with this rickshaw post.

One of these days, I will post up all my ‘Overheard in a Rickshaw’ quotes but this was a gem I heard last week: “Karachi mai jo darr gaya, samjho marr gaya!” This was hours after there had been two bomb blasts in Karachi.

Storm the stage! Stop the press!

I am speechless.

The Last Word blog on the adaptation of Mohsin Hamid’s The Reluctant Fundamentalist, which is being directed by Mira Nair:

Day Two of the auditions for The Reluctant Fundamentalist continue in Lahore. So far Samina Peerzada, Ali Zafar, Adnan Malik, Ayesha Khan, Khalid Malik, Adeel Hussain and Fawad khan have been seen heading in the direction of Gulberg….. enough said.

But then, someone else had the best idea of all time.

Remember the ’90s? Remember Spiceworld? Remember the return of platform shoes? Oh, say it isn’t so…

The creator of global hit Mamma Mia! is teaming up with media tycoon Simon Fuller to bring a Spice Girls musical to life, she announced today.

Judy Craymer, who is reckoned to be worth £75 million from her film and stage hit based on Abba songs, will bring her magic touch to the show, which is tentatively titled Viva Forever.

A Spice Girls musical has been rumoured for a number of months after the band met up to discuss the project, but has only now finally been confirmed.

…The musical is being billed as a production which will “harness the distinct personality of The Spice Girls to create a musical that celebrates the energy and excitement of the biggest girl-band of all time”.

Mamma Mia! Here they go…(not again!)

For everyone brought up on a steady diet of Abba, the musical and film Mamma Mia! came as a welcome refresher course on the Swedish quartet’s music. Even if the acting in the 2008 film was nauseating at best and mind-blowingly atrocious at worst. But as Hugh Jackman triumphantly announced while hosting this year’s Academy Awards – “the musical is back!” – apparently, so is the film’s sequel.

Mamma Mia! – a musical based on Abba songs – became the highest-grossing film ever at the UK box office, and made a staggering 609 million dollars worldwide. And now a sequel is underway: Mamma Mia! 2

One of the film’s stars, Amanda Seyfried, told BBC News, “I’ve been talking to some insiders and it’s not something that they haven’t been working on. I don’t actually know anything other than that.” She also says Meryl Streep is set to sign on for the sequel, “I will do it. And I know Meryl’s game as well, so bring it on. It will be so cool. I think we all had the best time and we all got along so well. It was like some days it felt like we were just people on vacation.”

But as the Guardian (in a bitingly sarcastic piece) pointed out, what music will they use? The original film already featured all of Abba’s most popular hits, including ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Mamma Mia’ and ‘Take a Chance on Me’. Unless the filmmakers decide to recycle their more well-known songs for the sequel, there isn’t a chance of the film being as successful.

And while the musical format – seen in recent years via films like Dreamgirls, Chicago and High School Musical – seems to have returned to Hollywood, it doesn’t always bode well. Even though the High School Musical franchise is a worldwide hit, the acting in the films hasn’t improved a notch, and the amount of bad singing that these films have featured would make anyone’s ears bleed.

Mamma Mia! may have been a hit, but for a far better glimpse into the band’s music (and a better nostalgia trip), watch the 1977 promotional film, Abba: The Movie (see point above about being raised on a steady diet of Abba). The film, which traces a radio jockey desperately trying to get an interview with the band at the height of their success, sees him get in a ridiculous chase all over Australia to find them. The music selection, the concert footage and the fact that Abba: The Movie stars all of the Abba members, is far more delightful than Meryl Streep wasting her talents to moan and cry about previous loves and Pierce Brosnan’s lack of singing ability.

New York, New York…

Najibullah Zazi (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

In an ironic twist, Bollywood finally gets the plot of one of their myriad East-meets-West movies to match reality. Take a look at the reel-life cases of the film New York and the American terrorism suspect Najibullah Zazi

I believe I owe the makers of New York an apology for declaring that the subject of Muslims in a post-9/11 America had become outdated. For all of Bollywood’s twisted East-meet-West stories, one may have actually may been more realistic than earlier thought. Directed by Kabir Khan (of Kabul Express fame), New York (starring John Abraham, Katrina Kaif, Neil Nitin Mukesh and Irrfan Khan) released this summer to mixed reviews and has been widely compared to Shoaib Mansoor’s Khuda Kay Liye. (In an interview John Abraham declared that New York began where Khuda Kay Liye left off. After watching the film, one wished Khuda Kay Liye had inspired better sequels.

New York’s central character is Sameer Sheikh (played by Abraham), who evolves from a patriotic American citizen into a terrorist mastermind running a sleeper cell in New York. The real-life parallel to the film is the case of Najibullah Zazi, a patriotic American resident and coffee vendor in New York who is being held on the charge of planning to attack landmarks in New York, with the possible help of accomplices. Sounds a bit familiar? Take a look at the similarities between the two.

Starring…

Sameer Sheikh: An Indian-American Muslim.

Najibullah Zazi: An Afghan Muslim and legal resident of the USA.

Popular Avenue

Sameer Sheikh: A boisterous student (who is also a photographer) who is fairly popular at his university in New York and has a somewhat short fuse.

Najibullah Zazi: Zazi ran a coffee-and-doughnut cart near Wall Street. According to a customer, “He was well spoken. He always said good morning to everyone. He used to memorize what everyone needed in the morning.”

The Stars and Stripes

Sameer Sheikh: Sameer’s character is introduced via a sequence where he competes with another student to plant the American flag on the roof of the university. He often talks about his love for the USA.

Najibullah Zazi: Zazi had a ‘God Bless America’ sticker on his coffee cart and told a reporter: “This is one of the best countries in the world. It gives you every right.”

Reaction to 9/11

Sameer Sheikh: As the visuals of 9/11 began to unfold live on a television screen at the university, Sameer consoles his distraught girlfriend Maya (Katrina Kaif)

Najibullah Zazi: A friend says of Zazi’s reaction to the terrorist attack: “I don’t know how people could do things like this. I’d never do anything like that.”

The Age Factor

Sameer Sheikh: If one assumes Sameer was 22 by the time he graduated from university in 2001, by the time the film picks up seven years later, he’s 29.

Najibullah Zazi: Zazi is 24 years old.

New York, I love you, but you’re bringing me down

Sameer Sheikh: Sameer is questioned at a bus terminal and put into a detention facility (one can only assume) on account of his name and Muslim origin, ten days after 9/11. After nine months, Sameer is released due to lack of evidence against him. (In the film, the FBI claims that photographs of the World Trade Centre and the New York skyline that he had taken for a photography project were part of a terrorist plot).

Najibullah Zazi: Zazi’s motives are unknown. He has pleaded not guilty to the charges, but the odds stack against him as he is also reported to have received terrorist training at a camp in Pakistan.

The evidence

Sameer Sheikh: The sleeper cell has gathered a large amount of equipment (bought from some wily Eastern Europeans) to be able to carry out a large scale attack.

Najibullah Zazi: Zazi has been charged with gathering a large amount of chemicals (bought from drugstores) to carry out an attack.

The site

Sameer Sheikh: His sleeper cell plots to attack the FBI building in New York.

Najibullah Zazi: Various reports have cited the site for New York Fashion Week and other landmarks as those that Zazi was plotting to attack on the eve of the anniversary of 9/11.

Betrayal, betrayal

Sameer Sheikh: The investigating FBI officer (Roshan, played by Irrfan Khan) gets Sameer’s friend Omar (Neil Nitin Mukesh) to infiltrate Sameer’s home and the sleeper cell. Omar finall tells Sameer he’s being watched only when the sleeper cell is about to bomb the FBI building, because Sameer’s wife Maya is inside the building.

Najibullah Zazi: The New York Police Department used a religious leader as a source (an imam from Queens) Ahmad Wais Afzali, but Afzali has also been charged with telephoning Zazi to tell him he was being watched, then lying about it.

And in the end…

While New York came to a morbid and inane end (which debunked any sense that this film had), Najibullah Zazi’s case is not only serious but the evidence and testimony isn’t as clear-cut as in celluloid. In any case, it’s worth watching New York again for, as painful as it may seem.

Stay tuned for another apology if an Indian stuntman ends up dating Denise Richards and being feted by Sylvester Stallone ala Kambakkht Ishq.

- Information on Najibullah Zazi from Associated Press and the New York Times: ‘Najibullah Zazi, From Smiling Face at the Cart to Terror Suspect’, Sept 26, 2009.

Weekend reading

I am too tired to blog. Its not that I have blogger’s fatigue even though I’ve been using this space for over six years now. Its because of that bloody electricity breakdown – which The News is calling The Great Blackout – but I fondly like to refer to it as Apocalypse v.2. My head hurts from the heat, my back hurts because of all the tossing and turning and my eyes hurt because I’ve been going around staring wide-eyed at all the working electrical appliances, rejoicing in the simple delight of them working. Never take anything for granted in Pakistan.

But back to the matter at hand. Since I can’t be f**ked with presenting an opinion on any of the grave issues facing the country or the world, I’m going to revert back to being lazy and just write out my list of must-reads for the week.

Ayaz Amir writes about General Ashfaq Kayani’s Top Gun moment:

Flying into the danger zone.

The army chief, Gen Ashfaq Kayani, has grown on the job and is definitely a more confident man than when he took over from Musharraf. The Malakand operation and preparations for an assault on Waziristan have to a large extent rehabilitated the army’s image, badly tarnished by Musharraf’s policies. But it would be a pity if any of this went to Kayani’s head. We need good and able military commanders. But we’ve had enough of military saviours and can do without more in the future. And, perhaps, we can do without army chiefs trying to become F-16 aces. A flight through the clouds of Waziristan — a final victory lap, so to speak — may be in order once Baitullah Mehsud is beaten. Before that it would look a bit like President George Bush’s landing on the flight deck of the USS Constellation with a banner at the back proclaiming “Mission Accomplished” when, as events in Iraq were to prove, the mission had barely started.

Beirut-based blog Qifa Nabki provided the two gems of the week. The first – their sarcastic take on Lebanon’s national dialogue talks and how they probably go down

Raad: Ahh, actually… yes we can. In my capacity as the representative of Hizbullah, I have a proposal to make.

Hariri: Oh?

Raad: Yes. We have drawn up a national defense strategy. If we could just pass these papers around, you will see what it is that we’re talking about. Basically, we’re willing to dismantle the resistance entirely or incorporate it into the Lebanese Army… whatever works for everyone else.

Geagea: Huh?

Raad: We think that this is what makes the most sense for Lebanon, at this stage.

Hariri: Wait, really?

Raad: No! I’m just messing with you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!!!

Hariri: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!!!

Geagea: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!!!

(10 minutes later)

Everyone: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!!!

Raad: You should… have seen… the look on … your face… Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…!!!

Hariri: (wiping tears of laughter away) Oh my God. You had me there man. Oh damn, that was funny!

The second gem - Twitter’s 140 character limit causes a major fail.

One opposition supporter who goes by the Twitter username “MousaviRulez” is alleging that the character limit prevented him from communicating a major discovery that could have provided proof for the opposition’s claims that the election was rigged.

“I came upon a huge warehouse in the outskirts of Tehran, and it was full of unopened ballot boxes from different districts all around the country. There must have been a several million votes in there,” MousaviRulez told QNION correspondent Jacob Tafnis. “As soon as I figured out what I’d found, I immediately sent a message to my Twitter followers with the directions to the warehouse. But I ran out of space.”

MousaviRulez says that when he realized he couldn’t fit the entire set of directions into one tweet, he tried to break it up across many smaller ones.

“But by then, it was too late,” he said. “People were re-tweeting my original tweet, then re-tweeting my staggered tweets. It was a huge mess. And then someone in the government who was following my tweets realized what was going on and they shut down the Twitter servers in the country.”

MousaviRulez says that within ten minutes, several officers arrived at the warehouse, cuffed him, and took him to jail. When he was released the following day, he made his way back to the warehouse only to find that it was empty.

“Ten more characters. That’s all I needed to get my message across,” he said sadly, sipping tea in a Tehran cafe.

“If only I’d used Facebook, things might have been so different.”

Ever thought what you’d do if you suddenly came upon Baitullah Mehsud? KABOBfest discovered a patent has been registered for a device that could give the words ‘switching channels’ a whole new meaning:

Screenwriters take note, this would make an awesome plot for another one of those CIA agent in the Middle East type movies Hollywood loves so much…

Germany’s The Local recently reported that a Saudi inventor filed for a patent with the German Patent and Trademark Office (DPMA) for a killer GPS-like microchip that would allow governments to locate and terminate known extremists and criminals (and possibly political opponents and dissenters?) at the push of a button.

The device is sort of like that nifty house-arrest ankle bracelet that we use here in the states, except for two important things: (1) it is surgically implanted; and (2) it will release a poisonous toxin into the carrier’s body if he/she’s ever deemed a security risk.

The letter of the week:

SMS for IDPs:

Thousands of posters have been put up in Lahore citing ‘an appeal from the chief minister to send an SMS for a ten-rupee donation’ for the IDPs. Will the provincial government kindly explain how many SMSs are required to cover the cost of one poster and how much will be left over for the IDPs?

Five Rupees finds Zardari rapping to the EU:

Asif Zardari contradicts just about every statement he has made over the past three months without sacrificing his arrogance. For best effect, read this rhyming statement with some P. Diddy beats playing in the background:

‘What I need is trade, not aid. I’m looking for MOUs (memoranda of understanding) and not IOUs and I intend to get them,’

Have a great weekend everyone. Pray there isn’t a thunderstorm in interior Sindh again. Also thank the Pakistani cricket team for single-handedly distracting the country from the apocalypse by their spectacular win against South Africa last night.

Why didn’t you burn the tapes?

I am utterly inspired by Sir David Frost. This film makes me want to interview someone right  now!

The Iron Wall

I saw this documentary at Darat al Funun today – and I am rattled to my very core, but even that phrase doesn’t put my feelings into words accurately.

From the website – About the film

In 1923 Vladimir Jabotinsky, leading intellectual of the Zionist movement and father of the right wing of that movement, wrote:

“Zionist colonization must either stop, or else proceed regardless of the native population. Which means that it can proceed and develop only under the protection of a power that is independent of the native population – behind an IRON WALL, which the native population cannot breach.”

From that day these words became the official and unspoken policy of the Zionist movement and later the state of Israel. Settlements were used from the beginning to create a Zionist foothold in Palestine.

After 1967 and the occupation of the West Bank and Gaza, the aim of the settlement movement became clear – create facts on the ground and make the creation of a Palestinian state impossible. Thirty nine years of occupation and the policy started showing results. There are now more than 200 settlements and outposts scattered throughout the West Bank blocking the geographic possibility of a contiguous Palestinian territory.

The Iron Wall documentary exposes this phenomenon and follows the timeline, size, population of the settlements, and its impact on the peace process. This film also touches on the latest project to make the settlements a permanent fact on the ground – the wall that Israel is building in the West Bank and its impact on the Palestinian’s peoples.

Settlements and related infrastructures are impacting every aspect of life for all Palestinians from land confiscation, theft of natural resources, confiscation of the basic human rights, creation of an apartheid-like system, to the devastating impact in regards to the future of the region and the prospect of the peace process.

Palestinians and Israelis began the peace process based on a very simple principle: land for peace. Settlements destroy that principle and create a land with no peace.

You can watch the documentary here, and there’s a link on this website to download it, but I’m not sure if its in its entirety.

*Photo courtesy this link